RPG Game Quotes
1. Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.
2. When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy.
3. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. When your dreams turn to dust, it's time to vacuum.
6. The number-one fear in life is public speaking, and the number-two fear is death. This means that if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than giving the eulogy.
7. Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code...he turned himself in.
8. Not all man are fools, some stay bachelors.
9. Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
10. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
11. I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
12. Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
13. I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
14. What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse'.
15. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
16. I was sued by a woman who claimed that she became pregnant because she watched me on television and I bent her contraceptive coil.
17. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
18. Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.
19. Sometimes i think i am a genius. Then i realize I've already seen this episode of jeopardy.
20. Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.
21. People will believe anything if you whisper it.
22. The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault.
23. When one ceases from conflict, whether because he has won, because he has lost, or because he cares no more for the game, the virtue passes out of him.
24. When all else fails. Follow instructions.
25. It's not so important who starts the game but who finishes it.
26. The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.
27. Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison.
28. What's dumber, expecting educators to be entertaining, or expecting entertainment to be educational?
29. A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing.
30. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close knit family in another city.